My Boyfriend Candidate texted me this morning, “We need to talk.” At which point I asked myself, why didn’t he call if he actually watned to speak? But not one to get hung up on details, only distracted by them, I texted back “cool”. THen four hours went by.
I don’t know about you, but when my guy says he needs to talk, I go into red alert. Guys don’t want to talk at all ever, if he needs to talk now, that’s some big shit, right? So, I literally sat there staring at the phone waiting for it to vibrate. Finally, I couldn’t take it any more, I was starting to stress eat the last of the eggnog yogurt covered almonds, and I texted him that I needed to know the next move. He then says he’s under radio silence: he’s taking a yoga class.
Seriously, I couldn’t make this stuff up.
We finally get together. The confrontation required negotiating and careful manipulation, the details of which I won’t bore you with. He basically says that he feels that he can’t talk to me about my life. That whenever he has a suggestion or advice, I’m not open to it. OK. First of all, giving me advice is quite the opposite of having a discussion about my life. For men, they want to problem solve. For women, we want to be heard. I know at this early stage of our relationship that the BC doesn’t get that yet. When I start to talk about my life, I just want to be empathized with. I know what needs to be done. I’ll do it. I just need to talk. Do not solve my problems for me. . . unless I ask. All women work this way. In any case, no, I don’t want to hear whatever from you about my life. You don’t know me well enough and it makes you look arrogant instead of simply galant.
Also, he is a control freak. My way of controlling the control freak is to shut him down. He starts to opine about what time is best for me to check the mail or best ways to teach table etiquette to my sons and I change the subject abruptly.
The fact is, we are too old for this. He is a mature man of a certain age who knows with certainty what is right. I’m a certain woman of a certain younger age who feels the same. We often times don’t agree. I’d rather not even talk about it so, guilty as charged, sir you win. You are right, you may not talk about my life.
I’m glad he’s confident, self-assured and reticent. And for better or worse, he found a woman who is the same way.