I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been completely overwhelmed by the whole process. I’m writing an explanation in hopes that this will jump start me again. I hear that works.
When I started blog writing over a year ago, I had tight deadlines, daily writing assignments on all kinds of topics. There was a sense of urgency, I felt a responsibility, and I got it done. I still get it done. I write daily for several websites. In the course of those writing gigs, I also was asked to blog from my unique perspective: the middle aged single mom, three young boys, one autistic, dating after 20 years, perimenopausal, retiring parents, one with Alzheimer’s point of view. That’s a lot and you’d think there would be tons of material. But even then, posting once a week, I would get stuck.
Then I lost the self absorbed blog. Seems the demographic and I didn’t exactly mix. And I missed it. I missed the objective musing on this life and the hysterical qualities it had somehow acquired. And speaking of acquisitions, I acquired in the last few years a boyfriend candidate, a hippie room mate, a really good friend, the belligerence of my absent-almost-ex-husband, an estranged brother, a circle of divorced mom friends, a full time job, a new set of co-workers, an old car, a crazy young guy friend, an old rock star, and a ton of threatening letters from CitiBank wondering when I’m going to pay off my ex-husband’s exorbitant debt. Yes, bat shit crazy indeed.
So my life is richer than ever. Almost always almost too much to handle, but one way or another it gets done. And I’d love to write about it again which is why I started this blog many weeks ago. But I find trying to pull together my old posts, new essays, ideas on post-it notes, memos to self in the margins of my Franklin, all just a bit daunting. I found a note “fart on demand”. I can’t remember for the life of me what that meant. See, now I have to do research. Add that to the list.
It’s sort of a big philosophical as well as practical question: how do I get on with it? [Even at this moment, while I’m trying to think and organize ideas my Calvin is sitting at the desk across from me barking, literally. He’s my 9 year old.] I think in the end I just have to do it. My friend Belinda at the office told me yesterday that the only real great advice she got from her years of therapy post divorce was this: In order to live your life, you must go through it. So put your head down, aim forward and just go. So that’s what I’m doing now. But first, I’m going to give myself a break. These postings won’t be perfect. I’m mixing past and present, musing on the future. Sometimes it won’t make sense.
It really is just like life.